Lie to me gently
by petty.plutocrat
Summary: AU: Jean Grey has risen back for the nth time. But instead of going back to the X-men she ran away so she would not affect anyone by her return (Scott and Emma). What happens when a certain person from the past needed her help to fend of the Phoenix Force trying to find a suitable host? Follow Jean as she tied loose ends on everything that has happened in the past
1. Author's note

Hi Guys! This is my first fanfic that I would write so please bare with me if there are any errors along the way.

Basically, I am a fan of Scott and Jean since forever and it hurts me that Scott and Jean never had the closure that Jean deserved due to her untinely death. I am just frustrated that Jean and Scott never had a chance to sit down and talk about the fall out of their marriage. So I hope my story will ties the loose ends during the Psychic Affair that transpired during Morrison's X-men Series.

Emma bring the best of out Scort during their whirlwind romance. But that relationship is doomed from the start since it was based on a mistake. I also felt like Emma may have been a pill to cure Scott's darkness but Jean is Scott's very reason for existence. So I would like to give them the moment they deserve during the Psychic Affair of Morrison.

P.S. Some ScEmma fans may feel bad about this. And to tell you honestly, I might have some Emma bashing along the story. I just hope there is still some respect in venting out your frustrations with how I write my story.

I do not own any of the X-men characters. Only the plot of the story and some OC I might create.


	2. Chapter 1: Two faces of sufferring

It was almost nightfall when a motorcycle had stopped by. The place was well lit but it could not hide the gloomy aura.

A man stepped out of the motorcycle, flowers on her left hand and a swirling guilt and sorrow on his heart.

Brushing of the dried up leaves in the tombstone, we put down the flowers and sat beside it.

"Hey Jean, how are you? Sorry if I have not been visiting you frequently. Things are really busy right now with running the school. I am running it alongside Emma. Did you know I got dumped? Crazy right? But yes Emma slept with Namor during our relationship. Guess I deserve that for the what I did to you huh?" Scott wondered how he finished his sentence when he is practically choking with tears.

He sighed and looked up once more. Desperately trying to blink away the tears welling up his eyes.

"I missed you. Life with Emma had been a good diversion. She brought me back up when I was a broken man. Even made the best version of myself." Scott could not help but smile. His relationship with Emma may have started on a mistake but it had a good run. He owe it to the reformed White Queen what kind of a man he is today.

"But there is not a single day that I would not think of you. Sometimes I feel guilty because I know Emma can read it on my mind. Every kiss and every touch we share, I can't help but think of you and how would it feel if it is you who I am with right now."

The mighty leader of the X-men continued talking to the grave of his once wife. Pouring out his heart and soul to the woman he vowed to love and cherish until death. The very woman whose heart got destroyed by the revelation of his and Emma's affair.

After what seemed hours of talking to a cold stone, Scott stood up and dusted off his pants.

"You have been sleeping for far to long Jean. Please come back to us. Please come back to me." With a last glance, Scott got back to his motorcycle and left.

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_"__I knew I'd find my husband here in your mind Emma."_

_"You just can't help ruining everything can you?"_

_"Just you and me Emma. Turn around and look at me!"_

_"You're way out of line Jean. If you want to know what happened between Emma and me in HongKong read my mind."_

_"Jean! Hold on!"_

_"No Scott... no..."_

_"Jean, I'm so sorry about everything. I've never meant to hurt you."_

_"I haven't seen you so alive for a long time Scott... my best friend. I have to go now... Live Scott. All I ever did was die on you."_

_"Jean! Jean! No!"_

"Ssssstttoooppppp!!!!"

Jean immediately sat up from her bed. Hands in between her ears trying to drown out all of her nightmares away.

Catching her breath, the once called most powerful mind in the world seemed powerless on the endless cycle of her flashbacks ever since she has been resurrected for 4 years ago.

_"Jean, I'm so sorry about everything. I've never meant to hurt you." _She recalled her husband said when she was dying in his arms.

She smiled sadly at herself, and looked around her small bedroom. It has been 6 years since she died.

"I have been ressurected for 4 years now Scott. But why does it still hurt me so much?" Tears can't stop flowing from her already welled up eyes.

The redhead cried for hours. It has been her routine since she got the nth shot in life. She will be woken up from her nightmares in wee hours. It would be a losing fight if she tried to go back to sleep so she just prepares herself for her daily shift on a local diner in New Mexico. Sometimes, her dreams got a little more vivid like this time that it would make her wail for a good couple of hours before she could literally drag herself to shower.

"Kwwaaakkk!!!"

"Kkwwarrrk!!!!"

"Kwwraaawwkk!!!"

A deafening shrill filled her tiny apartment; getting louder by the second. Jean stiffened. She recognizes that sound. It does not matter if she was 6 feet under the ground or here in her room head resting in her knees with her hands wiping away her sadness, she could identify that sound at any given time.

Cosmic level power surges throughout the room. Its tendrils searching every spot and every corner. Seeking for something or someone.

Jean scooted over to the corner of her room, in between the dresser and her bedroom wall. If she was scared asleep, Jean was more frightened now that she is awake.

The fiery hot tendrils disappeared as soon as it manifested. Jean exhaled the breath she did not know she was holding. But the relief was immediately replaced by fear upon her realization.

"The Phoenix has arrived!"

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"Do you think she will still be resurrected Cable? It has been6 long years. I missed her.l"

"I honestly don't know Rach. Part of me wants her to be alive but part of me wants her to stay wherever she is." Cable admitted halfheartedly.

The splitting image of Jean Grey's brows furrowed. "Why is that? Don't you want to be with our mom?"

"We both know she is technically not our mother, Rach." Cable reminded her.

Rachel just raised her eyebrows. As if reminding his brother that Jean is their mother in all sense of the word.

"Why?" Rachel said breaking a long pause of silence.

Cable just gave her a questioning look.

"Why don't you want her to be alive again?" She said rolling her eyes. Making it clear that the question is the most obvious thing to ask.

"How do you think would she feel if she went back and see Slym and the White Queen?"

"We both know they broken up years ago. I'm more shocked that they stayed longer to begin with. Relationships founded in deception are shaky at best."

"How would you know? You are not even in a relationship Rach." He teasingly nudged her.

"It is not rocket science Nathan. All you need is a pair of eyes and keen observation. Their relationship had a good run but it is doomed from the start." She said walking towards the kitchen's glass door. Purposely using her brothers name for emphasis.

"How so?"

"Scott was a broken man when he met Emma. She fixed her up. Of course he will feel some type of way. Let alone, Emma is not bad on the eyes either." Rachel looked back to his brother.

"But you see, after all the glits and glamour of this messiah saga between Sor Emma savior of mankind and Scott died down. He would realize the hole our mom had left. Emma had made Scott a better man. But she can never replace Mom in Scott's eyes."

"Well even she acknowledges that she will be second best to Jean when it comes to Slym." Cable agreed.

"Emma may have been the steering wheel to direct Scott to a better path. But mom is his engine. His reason for existing." She added.

"But I guess you are right Cable. It would broke her heart if she were to be resurrected today. I would too if I would see my husband and her mistress gallivanting to show their twisted version of love and affection." Cable did not miss the venom in Rachel's words. She might come to an understanding with the White Queen but he knew deep inside Rachel is still hurt from their father's infidelity.

"Gee Rach, I never knew you are such a poet. Why don't you write a poem about it?" Cable just got a mock punch in the shoulder for his remark.

The summer siblings had drifted off to a lighter topic. Little did they know that one of the persons they just talked about could hear them behind the kitchen door.

Scott stay rooted after her children's discussion between him and Jean. Every word sends dagger through his heart. In all honesty, they are right to wish their mother stay dead. He could not imagine how would he even look at Jean after all the things he and Emma had done.

_"I imagine I did some things wrong but I don't know if I would have done them differently." _Scott smiled bittertly at the memory. Back then, he thought that what he and Emma did no matter how wrong is bound to happen. It is a lot easier with me since she expects nothing from him. But in retorspect, he wished that he would have done things differently. Now he is not so sure if that moment of weakness is all worth it losing his wife.

Emma had been nothing but a support system to him. Pushing him to exceed his limits. But a support system will only be useful as long as their user needs support. As soon as Scott bounced back to his feet, that is when he realized that though his life with Emma is blissful, the void of Jean's demise is far greater.

He is still absorbed by his own thoughts when a deafening cry was heard.

"Kwwaaakkk!!!"

"Kkwwarrrk!!!!"

"Kwwraaawwkk!!!"

"Ahhhh!!!!!" Cable shrieked. The pain alone is enough to make him kneel.

"Stttoppp it!!!" Rachel bellowed in sync with the cries.

Scott rushed to the side of her kids once the calls stopped. Not wasting any time he helped cable to a seat to recover.

"Rachel. Nate. Are you alright?" He frantically asks.

"What was that sound? It is as if it is calling someone." Scott asked though he had a hunch what was it. The only question in his mind yet to be answered is who it is calling for.

Rachel looked up at his father. Her face full of fright. Bullets of sweats are forming in her forehead.

She reached for Scott's arms as a last resort to calm her down. "The Phoenix has returned! Tell others!"

Author's note:

And there you have it. Chapter 1 is done. Sorry in advanced for all the grammatical errors. And honestly, I am not even sure if someone will be reading this. I hope that someone will. This is my take on Jean and Scott's relationship. Hopefully you enjoyed it too. Comment below if you liked the story so far. I am open to criticisms just break it to me gently.


	3. Chapter 2 - The woman she came to be

Ding*

"Portobello Mushroom Sandwich and Garden Poutine for Table 7." Jean heard the diner's cook Kathy called out.

She immediately went to the kitchen line so she could pick up the customers' order.

"I'll serve this one Kathy.", Jean said while picking up the plates. "The customer at table 7 had been following these up." She whispered.

"But they just ordered 15 minutes ago! They have not warmed their seats yet." Kathy said incredulously.

"Well customer is always right." Jean recited while rolling her eyes. She immediately proceeded to serve the orders.

"Jean?" Kathy called not long after.

The redhead turned back and smiled earnestly. "Yes Kathy?"

"You know we are family here right? You can tell us anything and I mean anything, Jean." The cook spoke wholeheartedly.

Jean was really touched by Kathy's gesture. Her eyes started watering and was about to respond when...

"Miss I believe that order is for us." A blonde middle aged woman noted rather impatiently.

Both of the girls winced at the shrill voice of their customer. Jean cocked her head to the direction of the visibly annoyed customer and mouthed 'later' to her co-worker.

Kathy just nodded in understanding while Jean proceeded to attend to her obnoxious and crass customers.

"How is she holding up?" Another waitress asked while passing the order slip.

Kathy sighed while taking the note. She glanced at it and started to prepare the food.

"You have eyes Alice you can see how she looks. She always has this rainbows and sunshines mask but she ain't fooling anyone." She paused to flip the pan and faced Alice. "But this seems different.", Kathy paused to face Alice. "I have never seen her worn out like that. Not even during our peak season." She said almost inaudibly, flicking her spatula to get her point across.

"Yeah. The circles under her eyes are more prominent now. I also notice that she drifted off easily. I usually see her dozed off in between picking up and serving orders more often than before. I am really worried about her. I am just relieved that she still eats." Alice sighed.

"That bastard of a man should see what she did to his wife." A third voice joined the conversation. "New order for table 3." He handed the slip to Kathy.

"Thanks Grantt. Guess you also noticed huh." She replied.

"We are in the middle of a small ass village in Catron County, New Mexico." Garett reminded them. "With a population as scarce as us, even a blind man would notice." He continued.

The three continued chatting when a shrill voice echoed around the diner. The trio looked around to locate the commotion.

"Finally. I don't understand how these simple dishes could get delayed." The blonde woman icily.

"What do you expect on a diner like this? Had this not been the only diner here, I would have not agreed with you to eat here." The brunnette woman added.

"Those bitches! They think they are fancy and all that yet we both know their bags and shoes are all from yard sale."

"Gimme a break! Those are the tactless customers who keeps following up their orders not 15 minutes from being seated." Kathy

"Just sit back and relax. Jean got this. I have never met any customer who does not warm up to her." Grant laid back to the kitchen counter.

"She is a very persuasive person." Alice seconded.

Jean is oblivious to the pairs of worried eyes observing her too focus at the matter at hand. She may look so innocent and naive but Jean was known for her temper even during her days in X-men.

_'So I guess I have no choice then.' _Jean contemplated. She is really itching to finish serving these women yet they make it so hard for her.

_'Alright Jean. You can do this. Do not slip up or else you could leave them brain dead.' _Jean subtly went through their mind to have the information she needed. People in the diner believed that Jean has a knack on persuasion but what they do not know is the girl they had welcomed in their homes and family is actually a mutant of monstrous proportions.

Beads of sweat formed in the redhead's forehead. She has been out of touch for quite sometime so she was extra careful than usual. She smiled when she got what she looked for.

"My apologies Ma'am. We do not want to inconvenience you with anything." She said sincerely. "We know that you have travelled quite a distance to get in our place and the last thing you need is have your meals delayed." She continued.

The two young women are caught off guard, guilt painting their faces.

"Thank you and we are really sorry for how we acted. It's just that we have been travelling for almost a day now and it got us a bit irritated." The blonde woman apologized.

"Yeah. It is unfair that we lashed it out on you. We just never thought that the amount of time and effort just to get here would drain us both." The brunette smiled sheepishly.

"I understand." Jean offered a sympathetic smile. "First time travellers in our place had just the same experience as you both have." She placed her hand softly on the blonde woman's shoulders trying to comfort her.

"How about this? As a welcome gesture of our town, we would give you a pitcher of our house blend juice, does that sound good?"

"You don't have to but thanks. What is your name?"

"I'm Jean."

"Well I am Cassie and this brunette over here is my bestfriend Margarette." The blonde woman introduced.

"It is nice meeting you and welcome to Reserve. I'll just prepare your pitcher."

"Jean?" Cassie called not long after.

Jean turned around and looked at them expectantly.

"You are wonderful person and it was nice meeting you also." The blonde woman's remark forced a genuine smile in Jean's very exhausted face.

"Incredible!" Alice was astounded by what she witnessed.

Kathy just shool her head at amazement.

"Told you guys! Nobody could ever resist her kindness." Garrett remarked.

"I just hope she smile like that more often." Kathy placed the prepared orders.

"Yeah. I wish we could do something for her." Alice plopped down the kitchen counter and put her chin on her hands thinjing thoughtfully.

"Maybe we could give her a timeoff. I mean the diner is manageable even with only Alice and I manning the table. " Garrett moved to fixe the plates to be served to their customers.

"We can definitely take her shifts. And oh!" Alice's eyes twinkled at her brilliant idea. "Maybe we can shell out some cash so we could afford to give her a vacation. Whatcha think?"

"Not a bad idea Alice!"

"Idle time would only worsen her condition." The Alice, Kathy and Jet stiffened and turned to face the direction of the voice.

A chubby middle-aged woman with both hands on her waist is glaring at them. The trio tried to swallow the lump in their throats to now avail.

"Mrs. Dickenson, we did not notice you there." Kathy stuttered.

The woman just only raised her eyebrow and continued, "You lot should now better than gossiping more so when we have a lot of customers."

"Sorry. It's just that we were so worried about Jean. It is as if she is shutting herself up." Alice looked back at the readhead. "I think she should try some soul searching to ease her mind." She added.

Elena Dickenson smiled sadly. She cannot be mad at her employees for being worried with one another. She all treated them as if they are her own children. And each of them treated each other as siblings.

"I don't think it would help her. Not when she got no one to spend a vacation with. As much as we treat each other as a family, she has not opened up to us regarding her current situation. I could have given her a month long leave if I am sure that she could get herself together. But knowing her, she'll just lock herself in her room and pretend that everything is okay."

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creak* Jean unlocked the door of her apartment. With a sigh, she went directly to her kitchen to prepare her dinner.

Elena had been kind enough to give her some food after their shift. She has volunteered to stay in Alice's stead since the latter will celebdate her and her boyfriend's first anniversary.

She can't help but to smile remembering the happiness and excitement in her friend's face. She believed she had the exact expression during her first year with...

'Scott' Jean's grip on the plate loosened a bit causing the plate to drop loudly on her table.

She gasped and immediately inspected it for cracks to which she found none.

She mentally chastised herself for losing control over her thoughts. Scott Summers, the only man she loved and truth be told will ever love, had been a taboo since she rose from the grave. She has been very careful not to dwell on his memories nor to tell it to her new friends.

_'I have lot of important things to worry about and Scott Summers ain't one of it.'_

Jean shook her head furiously to shake off the growing grief and anger within her and started eating. She shoved the muddy eyed ex husband far back her thoughts and locked it there for now. This has been her defense mechanism whenever her mind would drift of her past. She has mastered compartmentalizing things over the years. That is why she managed to stay away from her previous life instead of running back to the X-men.

She would be a hypocrite if she would deny thinking of her mutant family. As a matter of fact, she always see them on things around her. But she knows that staying away would be the best gift she could offer them. Danger seemed to always find its way to her and if distancing herself would ensure their safety, it is a sacrifice she is willing to take.

She unceremoniously threw herself on her bed. She is really exhausted and tried to sleep it all off. She just hopes that her nightmares woukd give her a break even just for this night.

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Jean stared blankly on her ceiling. Her eyes could barely trace its form. It has been two hours but sleep seemed elusive to her. Her mind drifted off to the matter at hand.

It had been 2 weeks since she felt the call of the Phoenix Force. 2 long weeks of being on the edge. It did not help that her nightmares still continue. Her mind had been really preoccupied searching for traces of her mutant friends. She had been tracking them to inform them on the sudden turn of events. But none of her efforts had been succesful.She tried calling the numbers on the X-mansion in new york but the lines are not existing anymore.

Jean plopped herself down on her bead arms coveeing her eyes. She is just really exhausted and wanted some rest. She had been more and more desperate as days go by. She's planning to telepathically communicate with the X-men but do not want to risk getting caught by the Phoenix Force during the process.

"Ugh. Damn it!" Jean cursed and let herself be lulled to sleep. Her exhaustion was far too strong washing away her worries temporarily. And this time her mind, to tired with everything, tend to agree with her and lulled herself into sleep. That was the first night in 4 years that Jean slept soundly.


	4. Chapter 3 - The Battlepan

"Grrrnnn."

"Hhmmph."

"Aaaccck!!!' Rachel Grey fell down out of exhaustion.

"Come on Rachel you have to focus!"

"I am trying my best, Emma!" How she managed to roll her eyes while almost fainting is still a wonder to her.

"Well you are not trying hard enough if you are getting exhausted by a mere psiblast!", the White Queen chided while huffing her loose strands to its proper place. "I am not even using all of my focus to attack you yet you whine like a toddler." She added sardonically.

"I just need a break for few minutes to recover!" Rachel's response where muffled by the ground covering her face. Too exhausted to even rollover.

"Do you really think the Phoenix Force will be so lenient with you? With any of us? I never pegged you to be a pushover. What happened to being one of the most powerful psychics in the world?" Emma retorted. Perfectly masking the panic feeling inside which is growing exponentially by the second.

She knew firsthand how corruptive the Phoenix Force is. She only held a paet of it but it has been enough to haunt her for the rest of their lives. She knew that every host of the Phoenix Five had been damaged one way or the other.

She did not want to push her so hard but she is their only chance of escaping the Phoenix Force's wrath just in case it decided to pay them a visit. They all knew that Rachel is the only person who hosted the immortal psychic raptor. But she of all people know that the Phoenix she hosted had been already tamed by her mother. The Phoenix of this universe is not so keen on diplomacy. It would knock the door down and burn everything afterwards.

As much powerful as she is, even she cannot contain the Phoenix Force for so long. No one ever did.

_'Except for one.' _Her inner self chimed in. She brushed off the uneasiness in her stomach.

"Don't you think you guys should take a 5-minute break?" Ororo asked trying to break the tension.

Emma reluctantly faced Ororo. She knew that tone. It may be formed as a question but it is in no way a request but an order. Emma stared at Storm for a long while before the former shook her head and decided she would not win this battle.

She may be once and still is an arrogant woman but she still knows how to pick and choose her battles. She would not survive this long if she wasn't. And this lady in front of her is just as formidable as her, boasting feats only a deity can possess; which is getting impatient on her lack of response by the minute.

_'Not to mention she bested you on almost all your altercations.' _She smirked. She would be caught dead before admitting it but she knew deep down that Storm can beat her just as she can beat the former. It did not help that the weather witch has a willpower greater than some of the most skillful telepath.

_'Thick skull' _She smiled inwardly. Remembering how crude Kurt's description of Storm's mental walls.

"Ehhhmm.", she cleared her throat to die down the soft giggles threatening to escape. "Alright. We will have a 5-minute break and then we will resume. I expect no more lousy excuses by then." She looked at the young redhead.

"Rachel, you did good." She said which earned an earnest beam from the redhead summer. She acknowledges it with a nod before turning her back and walked across the yard of the X-mansion.

"How is it going Emma?" Scott asked once Emma approached them. A question present in the minds of all the present members of X-men.

"It is all going well. But I am afraid we needed more time to prepare her." Storm filled her comrades in.

"Time that we do not actually have." Rogue reminded.

"Can't we do anything to delay it?" Kurt asked looking around his comrades for answers.

All of them painted the same face. They could always try but no one seems confident that it would work. Not even Gambit, Colossus, nor the Wolverine siblings who usually have a fuck it mantra showed any signs of confidence.

"Well we could most definitely try. We had stopped the Phoenix Force before, I am sure we could manage to bind time." Scott's attempt for encouragement seemed futile.

"Scott, we only managed to halt the advances of the Phoenix Force because of..." Kitty did not even need to finish her sentence to know who is she talking about.

It is true, everytime the Phoenic Force shows itself. Jean has beem there in one form of the other to help them. Kitty looked down.

The gloomy atmosphere became even more morose at the memory of their fallen comrade. Except of course the White Queen herself.

_'Here goes the never ending eulogy for __Saint Jean, the woman who can do no wrong'_ She internally scoffed.

She was pulled back from her reverie when she noticed that everybody is looking away from one person whose knuckles have already turned paler than snowflakes.

Emma scrutinized her former lover closely. To say that he is tensed is an understament. His jaws are so locked up it looks like his teeth were about to be crushed. His muscles looked like springs locked and loaded to explode at any given moment.

Jean was a sore topic to Scott, that is a known fact. Even a blind man could see that. The man still blames himself for her wife's death due to his infidelity. Much to Emma's disappointment since she believes they have no blame for her rival's untimely demise.

"Well ummm I guess we should head back then. To prepare plans just in case uhhmm Rachel would be unable to contain it." Scott scratched his neck while looking down. He waited no response from his comrades and abruptly stood up and walked towards the mantion.

"Alright. Five minutes is up. We will resume the training." Emma followed soon after.

Sad pairs of eyes followed the ex lovers' retreating figure.

"Poor Scott." Laura said.

"He still needs time to recover. But we must believe in him. He had overcome tougher battles than this."

"I love the optimism but I do not know if there is recovering from that state Ro." Gabbi pointed out.

"Well I pity Emma too. She had to endure seeing his ex lover going gaga over his wife." Bobby chimed in.

"Emma is a strong girl. She knew what is getting into. Jean will always have a big part in Scott's heart and I think she acknowledges that. " Ororo took a deep breath. "But it does not mean it would not hurt nonetheless." She sadly finished.

"I just wished we could do something to get them out of their mindset you know." Gabbi faced her sister for some help.

"No one could help them Gabbi except for themselves." Laura replied.

"Especially if they keep avoiding the elephant in the room."

"No one asked for your opinion Remy." Rogue mock punched his husband.

"Well I know you love a very opinionated me." Gambit winked which made his co members cringe.

"Eeewww. Get a room guys!"

"You just mad because you are not getting some Colossus."

"Touché Nathan Touché." And the two fist bumped before tending to their own businesses.

_'Superpowers, a scintillating wit, and the best body money can buy and I still rate below a corpse.' _Emma smiled sadly.

_'After all these years you never fail to one-up me Jean. It does not matter if you are rotting 6 feet below the ground or up there in that fiery ball you call throne but you never cease to make me feel 2nd best. Scott may have once chosen to be with me but I always have to share him with you. Always.'_ She thought disdainfully while looking at the main door of the X-men mansion where Scott disappered into.

This has been the daily scenario in the X-men mansion. Rachel, Cable, and Emma are training themselves to be the main defense against the Phoenix while the others are planning for counterattack and countermeasures just in case their main plan goes awry.

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It had been near daybreak when Cable, Rachel, Laura, and Gabbi arrived at the X-mansion. The team decided to take a 1 day off from their strenuous work.

"Well that was fun. We should do it again sometime!"

"We definitely should Gabbi. It takes our mind off this impending doom." Rachel agreed.

"Way to burst our bubble Rach. Thanks." Gabbi retorded. Rachel had only bumped hee in response.

"But to tell you the truth, the longer we wait the more agonizing it gets." Cable exasperatedly said.

"I agree. It gets me more and more paranoid the days go by. It is frustrating. Ugh!"

"You already are insane Laura. You and your stupid fangirling over a model."

"**Super**model." She immediately corrected her sister giving emphasis on the word super. The three remaining x-men just rolled their eyes. It had been a few years since Laura discovered that model she had been fawning over.

"Unless they have abilities like us mutants, I don't think why we need to call them supermodels." Gabbi rebutted.

"Yeah. Why are they called supermodel anyways?" Rachel genuinelyasked.

"Puny mutants." Laura tssked. "Okay, I will simplify this so that you could all understand. Supermodels are those who are really successful in the fashion industry. All the fashion brands wanted to get them, they appear on magazines, music videos, heck even went to A-list parties with the most famous celebrities." Laura is too engrossed to notice that her comrades are making fun of how devoted she was in explaining a topic they found to be so trivial.

"And on top of this modelling hierarchy is my idol, Nastia. She is an uber amazing model Gabbi. Too bad she is already retired."

"Maybe she is not that great then."

"She retired because she wants to live a peaceful life Gabbi. Had she been modelling up until now, she would dominate all the campaigns and runways." The elder wolverine chastised.

"She is not that good if she retired early."

The Wolverine siblings bid their goodbyes to the Summers upon reaching the stairs.

"She is!"

"No she isn't!"

"Yes she is!"

"Nope."

Rachel and Cable chuckled at the fainting banter of the sisters.

"Those girls. They act like 5-year-old sometimes."

"Right with you there sis. You want some coffee? You know to remove any hangovers?"

"Only if you are preparing dear brother." She motioned her hand forward towards the kitchen.

"Do you think we assumed wrongly?"

Cable paused to look at her sister. Not entirely sure what the topic was.

"About what Rach?"

"About the Phoenix Force. Maybe we just assumed it is the Phoenix but it is not." Rachel looked down. Ashamed of the possibilty that they caused this mass hysteria based on wrong assumptions.

"Don't be ridiculous Rach. All of us felt it too. Even Emma confirmed."

"Then why is not yet looking for a host? Not looking for me?" She stated as a matter of fact.

"Such arrogance! How sure are you that it is you who the Phoenix Force wants?" Cable's eyes shone with mirth and playfulness. He already knew the answer to his question. But he needed something to divert the topic.

"Ugh! You have got to be kidding me!?" Rach threw her hands up in frustration.

Cable just leaned back on the partition wall beside the entrance connecting the halls to the kitchen. He tipped his head ever so lightly motioning her sister to continue.

With a loud huff, Rachel crossed her arms and responded.

"Who else do you think that deadly raptor wants?! Gambit? Beast? Rogue? Storm? Gabby? I could list all the names of every inhabitant of this institute but they still would not be compatible with the Phoenix Force."

"Emma seems a viable host. But yeah, everyone else seemed a lost cause". Cable chimed in.

"Emma is too reserved to be able to host the Phoenix Force properly. Do you wanna know why mom is the perfect host?" She asked rhetorically.

"Because she is as open book. She is never afraid to let her emotions show and thoughts heard. She is willing to let it all hang out. To be consumed by the fires of the Phoenix Force and not withholding a single thought for yourself is a feat only she could do. Emma is not like that. She puts self preservation above anything else. That is why hosting that forsaken raptor would take its toll on her."

"Had it been that way to you too Rach? Did you have to lay your thoughts out on the Phoenix?"

"Yes and no. I still have to open a great deal of myself to it but we had an understanding on the boundaries he could access. I guess that's why I have been able to use its powers. But not to the extent Mom had wielded it."

"Jean. Ehem. Mom sure is something huh?" Cable smiled and cocked his head to the side towards the kitchen. "So coffee?"

Rachel looked to his brother wide-eyed. Nathan rarely acknowledges Jean as his mother in public despite the former taking care of her most of his younger years. She knew it must have embarassed him to admit that, and judging be how red his ears are she knew better than to tease him. She just smiled and nodded.

"I think it haven't found you yet." Cable said while walking towards the coffee maker. He started pressed few buttons and the machine roared into life. The sweet aroma of the roasted beens waffed throughout the kitchen.

Rachel walked towards the kitchen counter. "You think so? I cannot imagine a celestial being like that would have a hard time finding someone."

"Well we have a lot of universes tho. So maybe it is preoccupied choosing. May you pass me the cups?" He extended his hand.

Rachel went to the cupboard and reached for two cups. "The Phoenix Force is a very picky being let alone impatient. It would not waste its time scouting other universes if it already has what it needs here." She handed the cups over to his brother and went back to the counter.

Cable poured the coffee into the cups. He grabbed one and gave it to Rachel. "Maybe it found another host?"

Rachel reached out for the cup. "The only host better than anyone will be Mom!" She murmured while sipping.

A pregnant silence took over the siblings. Both are too engrossed in the comfort of the heat the coffee provides and the comfort of just sitting down with no worries or whatsoever.

The siblings decided that sleep would no longee come to them so they agreed to move to the living room to view the sunrise together.

_'Maybe it found another host'_

_'Maybe it found another host'_

_'Maybe it found another host'_

_'Maybe it found another host'_

Cable's words echoed in Rachel's thought in an endless loop as she walks at a steady pace. The wheels in her head are processing the possibility of her mother's rebirth.

"Nathan you are a genius!" She called to her brother who is a few feet ahead of him. Her epiphany getting stronger by the second.

Cable looked backed and smile. "I usually am my dear sister. But I have no idea what you are talking right now."

"Mom is alive!"

"What?" Cable choked on air. He narrowed his eyes. "Are you drink? Have you hit your head going back here?"

"No Nathan. Listen to me. She is alive. She has to be!" Rachel moved passed a confused Cable.

"The only reason the Phoenix Force leaving us be is if Mom is alive! Cable we have to look for whoa Scott?"

Rachel abruptly halted. She seemingly forgot about what she is saying upon seeing his father slouching in one of the sofas near the grand piano. with a beer on his side.

"Slym you alright there?" Cable asked while approaching their father figure.

"Ah yes. I just can't sleep. I worry too much about the return of the Phoenix Force. There are so much at stake here." Scott rambled on. "If we failed, I might lose any of you two. And that is something I would never permit. I have already lost your... a lot." Scott backpeddaled. He knew he could be honest with his kids about his regrets and longingness with their mother. But still, he thinks his kids should not be involved in his wallowing defeat.

"And Emma." Rachel added.

"Huh?" The patriarch Summers asked.

"You would lose Emma too." She insisted. Rachel knows its petty but she just can't help to make his father squirm just a little.

Cable squeezed her arm and send a warning look.

"Uh yeah. Of course. Ms. Frost is a valuable X-men and a good professor. Besides, she is our friend. Our family. It is hard enough that we moved here so that the new breed of mutants could be saved. Besides, I do not want anyone of us getting hurt because of the Phoenix Force." Scott scrambled his thoughts. He knew what her daughter is hinting at. But he is not naive to be baited by that. He knows that Rachel still has not forgiven him completely and he vowed to to get his family's full forgiveness one way or the other.

"Is that why you're staying up late Slym?" Cable asked while eyeing the picture his father is discreetly hiding from them. He does not need to read his mind to know who that is.

Rachel noticed his brother is preoccupied looking at something and followed his line of sight.

Her eyes softened at the sight.

_'It's too late for regrets Dad. I wish you would have realized it sooner.'_

Scott finally noticed what his kids are shamelessly gawking at.

"Ah yes. I am just really worried. But I will do everything in my power to keep everyone alive and safe from harm. Especially you two." He said purposely a little louder and discreetly put the picture on his pocket.

"Just not my mom." Rachel muttered inaudibly.

"What was that Rach?" Scott asked.

"Oh. I said I think I might need to crash early. My ears are still ringing for weeks now." She replied all flustered.

"I think we should have it checked first thing in the morning. I will be going to bed too. We need all the rest we could muster. Goodnight Slym."

"Goodnight Nate, Rach." The siblings looked at the retreating figure of the X-men leader disappeared from the doorway.

Rachel plopped down on a chair, looking towards the horizon. A swirl of red and orange fleeks is already painting the dawn sky.

"Why is really unfair." Rachel broke the silence. She is looking at her hands. Tracing the lines on her palms.

"All mom ever want is to be with Scott. But everytime it happened, she ended up having the worst end of the stick." She continued.

Without a word, Cable moved towards her sisters side and wrapped his arms around her lithe frame. He hinself does not have any answers nor have any words to encourage his sister. He just hugged her really tight and whisper _'Everything will be fine' _in her ears as she sobs quitely.

Scott closed the door of his room. He changed his clothes and looked at the mirror. The man in front of him could not be anymore different than he once looked. This man looked like he just lost everything in his life. And trith be told he felt just like that. He had not remembered when was the last time he felt so alive. Days seemed to pass by him with a steady but monotonic phase. Everything felt like a routine. If it weren't for his children and the security of the mutants in their care, Scott would never leave his room. He laid in his bed, pulled out the picture and stared at it for a long time.

Pools if liquid anguish started to form in his eyes. "I wish you were here Jean. I wish you were here with me." He gave the picture one last glance and shoved it down his pocket. He decided to call it a night and lulled himself to sleep hoping that he would dream of his redhead wife.


	5. Chapter 4: Melody of sorrow and grief

**Chapter 4: Melody of grief and sorrow**

'_You can do this Jean. You have been doing for quite some time now." _Jean tried to pacify herself. Ever since she came back to life, there is nothing more that scares Jean than being in a crowded place. She already had a fair share of traumatic experiences involving multitude of people, human and mutant alike, to last a lifetime.

Jean knew that not everyone is given a chance that had been given to her multiple times. Unlike the other times, she intended to take advantage of her situation. That is the exact reason she chose this place to settle herself in. This place is perfect for a person like her, a person who is seeking to make the best out of her "rebirth".

No one knew who she is here or what she is capable, a perfect opportunity to start fresh, to start anew.

'_Or a perfect way to hide and wallow in sorrow.' _Her stubborn mind interjected. She may not admit it aloud but it is actually one of the reasons she has chosen such secluded place, to stay clear from her ex-husband and his new found beau.

A sudden twinge seized her heart. Scott Summers is still a sore topic for her and she doubts it will ever cease to be.

'_Good. I need this kind of emotion to accomplish the things I did.'_

Jean jolted as she felt a hand on her back.

"You okay there Jean?"

She smiled reassuringly. "I am fine Grantt. Nothing but a pre-performance nerves. You know I always have those."

"Yeah. I still do not know why. People always appreciate your singing. Our diner has always been jam packed every second Tuesday of the month just to hear your voice."

"Thanks Grantt. I appreciate it." Jean smiled reassuringly.

"You ready Jeanie?" Alice appeared from the make shift curtains covering the diner lounge.

She huffed once to settle her nerves before nodding. She then proceeded to pass through the make shift curtain and meet the jubilant customers.

"Good evening everyone. I can see we have some new faces tonight." Jean smiled as she scanned the crowd. "On behalf of our small town, we would like to welcome our visitors and we hope you would enjoy your stay here."

"You see it has been a tradition of our diner to have a mini concert every second Tuesday of the month. Our town may not offer many luxuries as the bigger cities but what Catron County lack in skyscrapers and fancy shopping districts it make up for picturesque landscapes and other sceneries" Kathy appeared beside Jean.

"And tonight, you will witness one, our very own Jeanie serenading you." Kathy looked to Jean with a proud motherly smile.

The redhead nodded and then proceeded to the grand piano.

"For tonight, we would try something new. I have written a couple of songs over the years and it is actually my first time singing it with people around." The redhead's eye glistened with recollection. She shook her head lightly and started to play in the piano.

_How can things go wrong when you're here with me?_

_All of time and space would stop, they'd stop for you and me_

_How can we go wrong, we're like words within a song?_

_Perfect rhyme and perfect time and perfect harmony_

God knows she spent all her sleepless nights to provide a semblance of an answer to that question. How did things manage to fall apart when she and Scott had everything working out for them? They are best friends. They knew each other's quirks. They shared decade worth of history together. They are each other's first love. They survived the gap caused by Maddie or Besty. Yet somehow things started going downhill despite all these.

_Now our words have lost their way and all they seem to say_

_You don't intend to stay with me_

_Tell me why_

_When we have come this far_

_We're happy as we are_

Jean's angelic timbre coursed across the hall. Her soothing voice and impeccable story telling had captivated the crowd. However, the air around the diner's lounge is thick sadness. Despite her beautiful delivery, the crowd could almost taste the longingness and sorrow on the song.

Jean closed her eyes as she let her emotions guide her through the song. Singing is one of the few things Jean enjoys in her new life. It gives her freedom to express the feelings she usually repressed from the back of her mind; the memories which she tries her hardest to forget. The same memories that haunt her dreams as it find its way to break free from the usually airtight confines at the back of her mind.

And it is no secret that she enjoys the music night Tuesdays as much as her audience does. However, this night had been different. Jean is not here to serenade her usual listeners or the tourists and passersby. She is here to unload the pent-up vehemence for everything that was wrong in her life.

_But now, how can I feel right when you're not by my side?_

_Strange that I'm here all alone_

_As I recall the happy times_

_The happy songs, the perfect rhymes_

_How can I go on_

_How can I move on_

_How can I, how can I_

_Without you_

Just as she belted the last word of the song, the melody diminuendo to a softer tune before shifting to an entirely new piece.

_I closed my eyes and softly ask, "What's happening to me?"_

_I realize I am alone without your company_

_But then we've shared so much that a part of me is me, no more._

_I'm caught unaware and unprepared for what will be instore._

Most of the female crowd's eyes are already brimmed with tears by the time Jean had gone half of the second song. They could feel the pain of losing someone they loved. The feeling of having the hands of the person you once had shared your dreams, goals, fears, and insecurities slip away from your fingers. The sheer amount of dejection that comes after knowing the fact that the person who owns a piece of your heart is no longer yours and you cannot do anything to make them stay.

These are the exact same feelings Jean had while going through the song. The lyrics of the song representing the words she wanted to say to her husband but had no opportunity to do so due to her untimely death.

_Now that you're gone, to wake me takes me countless hours _

_Just thinking how I'd make another day go by._

_The coffee cup just stares at me– _

_it turns cold and bitter – sometimes as we._

_The cigarette butts falls on the floor. Who picks it up, but me?_

_Now that you're gone, I count each time the phone would ring,_

_With fingers crossed expecting – actually, hoping._

_From the other line, a familiar voice – that will say, _

"_I'll be back today."_

_No it isn't you, it's never you_

_What can I do?_

Her voice started to thicken as she navigated through the song. Memories of her time with a certain brown-eyed man quickly filled her already rattled mind. Her mind vividly remembers everything that transpired between Scott Summers. Her Scott Summers.

The first time they met.

The first mission together.

The time she fell for him.

Their first date.

First kiss.

Their first anniversary as a couple.

His eyes when she first came back to life.

Their fight and eventual falling back together after Maddie.

Meeting their other child from the future, Rachel.

Their wedding day.

The time they went to the future to raise Nathan.

Their first argument as husband and wife.

But the memories are soon replaced by the nightmares she had so tediously avoided.

The time Apocalypse resided in Scott's psyche.

His refusal to open up to her.

Him seeking Emma Frost for help.

The few months of no intimacy.

Her feeling unwanted.

Her leaving to space to find a cure for Professor Xavier.

Her returning to the institute after months of expedition.

Her catching Scott in a compromised manner inside Emma Frost's mind.

Him telling her she was out of line for confronting Emma.

Him abruptly leaving to clear his mind.

Him being confused between her, his wife, and Emma.

Him choosing Emma over her.

Her dying in his arms as she reluctantly set him free.

Suddenly, without warning, her Scott Summers is not hers anymore. She was just his distant past, a memory meant to be reminisced and nothing more.

'_He belongs with Emma now. That is why you are here, so you wouldn't complicate things.'_ She smiled sadly, remembering the exact words she told herself to justify her decision to runaway than go back to her family, the X-men. If keeping herself locked away from one of the sparsely populated place in the whole United States would keep her loved ones from having into too much trouble, she would gladly sacrifice herself and stay here for the rest of her life. She would rather she suffer from loneliness than put the X-men on jeopardy.

'_Oh for goodness sake, get a grip Jean.'_ She chastised herself as she felt her tears threatening to pour out of her hazel eyes.

'_It is just a song. You can do this. Just keep pushing and finish the song as soon as you can. Then you can wallow in defeat once you got back in your apartment.' _She added before continuing the song.

_Now that you're gone, how can I go living?_

_How can I go on feeling?_

_An empty touch an empty spare._

_How can I without you there._

_Now that you're gone._

_I feel like I'm a useless cup_

_A muted violin._

_A single teardrop._

_Now that you're gone._

The music shifted again to a brighter melody. Jean's fingers glided through the key of grand piano like a virtuoso in its one hundredth concerto. Being a telepath has been very useful to her especially in learning few things that interests her.

_We smile we won't say sorry_

_One look and we have cast our fears aside_

_Sometime, that sometime will turn to forever, for all time_

_Somewhere, our somewhere would not just be one place_

_But everywhere_

'_I know I could still fulfill my promises to you someday. You are the phoenix after all." _Jean wanted so much to hold on her husband's words on his final visit on her grave. Before she pushed him to move on to Emma. Before she completely shattered her heart in that white hot room. If there are people who would be curious enough to know if beings wielding incomprehensible amount of power, she would look in their eyes and say yes they do. Because she felt as if she died in the most horrific way again despite being the immortal and powerful White Phoenix of the Crown upon seeing Scott settling surprisingly well with Emma Frost.

The last memory did what the previous failed to do, it cracked the last of the walls Jean meticulously put up to protect herself from the trauma of the past. By this time, tears of liquid anguish are pooling out of her eyes. Yet it did not deter the redhead to sing the last part of her song medley with more passion, longingness and pain than the previous lines.

_Until that sometime, somewhere_

_We just have to be content with stealing glances_

_Somehow, content with saying nothing_

_Smiles are always wanting_

_Though deep inside it hurts_

_Because we know that our love, like love_

_Is what it is, it's what we got_

_Our love, like love we'll have to wait_

_Until that sometime, somewhere_

She knows it is a lost cause. That at this point what she wanted is practically an impossibility but she will hold on to Scott's promise. It may not be in this lifetime or the next. It may not be in this universe or the universe next to it. Heck it may now happen at all. But she will still believe that sometime, somewhere they would fall back in each other's arms.

Jean was pulled out from her own little bubble by the loud applause of echoing in their improvised concert hall. She just realized that she is singing in their diner on a Tuesday night surrounded by few people. She wiped the tears from her face before opening her eyes and turning towards the customers. She was shocked that all of her audience are standing up and giving her applause. Most if not all have bloodshot eyes probably from

"Sorry I sometimes got carried away singing songs. I hope you all enjoyed our little presentation for you guys." Jean said while standing up from the piano.

"And I hope that hose tears are good tears and not because I destroyed you ears." She joked.

The audience laughed with her and within few minutes the diner resumed its operations. All of the visitors who watched Jean sing stayed and ordered.

Jean was about to head to the kitchen counter when Kathy stopped her midway.

"Take the night off Jean. You have done more than enough for this shift. I know you are already exhausted" Kathy smiled.

Jean was about to protest when Alice popped from her behind.

"We can handle it from here Jean. You did great. All of the audience has stayed to dine here. Just take a rest."

"But I am not really that tired. I can still help you know. I can still…" Jean was cut mid-sentence as Grantt walked toward them with something in his hand.

"Here are your things. Now go and take a rest. Goodnight Jean. See you tomorrow." Grantt brought her back and pushed her towards the diner door.

"But…" Jean started to protest but Kathy beat her to it. "No buts Jean, You will rest tonight and that is an order. Now go home.

Jean huffed. She knew she won't be able to convince them to let her work. "Thank you guys! I appreciate it."

"No worries Jean. Goodnight and take a rest kay? See you tomorrow." Katy, Alice and Grantt waived their hands and went back inside the diner.

After a few minutes, Jean reached her apartment. She is really grateful to Kathy and her friends for persuading her to right because she was almost half asleep halfway through her house. How she managed to get inside her apartment let alone drag her body for the bedroom is still a haze memory to her.

They say the eyes are the windows of the soil. But Music is a tool that lets individuals express their feelings that their minds are too afraid to admit and Jean could not agree more.

She laid down and cover her eyes, already filled with fresh tears, with her right forearm and cried herself to sleep.

Authors Note: Whew! That was one sad chapter. I actually cried a little writing this. I know it is kind of weird to see Jean singing. But I felt like she is a kind of person who is so used to taking care of others that she has no one to take care of her. Hence, keeping her negative feelings in a bottleneck waiting to just explode so I just find it appropriate to let Jean used music as a forom of release to her suppressed emotions.

P.S. I do not own credit on the songs I used here. The rights below to the composer and original artist/s who sang it. No copyright infringement is intended.

Songs title are as follows:

How can I?

Now that you're gone

Sometime somewhere

P.P.S. Keep safe guys amidst this coronavirus. 'Til next chapter!


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